Only So Much
by Talia NCIS fan
Summary: Because there's only so much one person can take. And she has reached her limit... Reuploaded and better


Only So Much

**Warning:Dark,Angsty,Implied suicide  
Spoilers for some episodes but not directly stated  
This is kind of what JJ puts in her suicide note  
REUPLOADED**

_Because there's only so much one person can take._

Seeing all the horror and gore pass over her desk.

Seeing the scenes.

Seeing the families left behind, the fear in the victims eyes.

Seeing it all gets to you eventually.

She watched thousands of cases pass over her desk.

If she made a mistake and another life was lost she felt the guilt.

The pain.

She never stopped seeing any of it. In her dreams it plagued her still.

She saw her little boy in every young life lost.

She's lost so much of herself in her line of work.

She was bound to lose it someday.

She had to lie to who she considered family.

To Spence.

She lied every night at home about why she was crying to Will.

She had to lie right to her baby boy's face and tell him is Aunty Em wasn't coming back.

She still remembers every bad thing that ever happened to one of the team and somehow feels responsible.

She saw the pain in their eyes and knowing your the cause.

It would break anyone.

The pain was never ending and was eating away at her.

She had a tough facade.

She never let them see how much anything bothered her.

She sees the dogs in her dreams.

She sees Reid dying.

She feels the sting of getting hit over the head with a shovel.

She feels the hurt of not being able to call to keep her son from the contaminated park.

She remembers it all and will never forget.

Emily coming back gave her joy for only a moment because then instead of the pain of loss in their eyes.

It was of betrayal.

Loss of trust surrounded her and she couldn't help but think it was all of her fault.

Hotch and Emily didn't tell the team the news.

Hotch and Emily didn't lie to Spence every time he came over.

Those nights she would break down sobbing in the bathroom.

Her heart would shatter in thousands of pieces.

The pain is still raw in her heart.

She will never forget any of it.

She remembers when the bad times began to outweigh the good.

The first time she put up the tough facade.

She stopped doing it just for the families of victims or victims themselves.

Soon every smile was a lie.

Every laugh.

Every "I'm fine" or "I'm OK".

Everything she was seemed to be a lie anymore.

The tears would only come when she knew for sure no one was around.

In her mind she didn't deserve pity.

She didn't deserve anything she had.

She made sure every chance she could she said I love you to her son because she wasn't sure when she would break.

He was the only light in it all.

But she would never deserve him.

Emily and Hotch could probably tell something was wrong but the others were oblivious so the hurtful comments continued.

She always felt so selfish.

All the "What ifs?" flashed through her mind and she shattered a little more.

She can never do anything right anymore.

Pressure builds and it feels like she can't breathe.

She manages to hang on a little longer after she completely breaks but that's just until she goes home.

Because Jennifer Jareau has finally hit her limit.

She is completely shattered and broken..

No one could fix her now.

The one thing that finally broke her.

That shook her to her core.

What ruined her completely was one word Spencer Reid said.

**He called her Jennifer.**

It may seem insignificant to anyone else but to JJ it was her breaking point.

The hurt in his eyes was too much coupled with the abandonment.

...

She puts this all in a letter to Will.

She feels they deserve an explanation but doesn't want them to feel guilty so she signs it to him.

She tells Henry how much she loves him.

She apologizes profusely.

She can't stand it anymore.

Because there's only so much one person can take.

_And she has hit her limit._

**Howdy y'all again. I edited this so it was better because it sucked the first time. But it's better now and not as clumpy. When I wrote this I had watched a video about JJ(the links below) that I really liked. It was about JJ being a hero and I started thinking about everything she's been through. You just don't go through all that and am not affected. It's impossible. This is kinda during the episode Reid's mad at JJ and there was no Pasta Party. ANyway please review because the first time there were NO reviews. Please no flames. They make me sad. But good reviews make me happy. So bye**

**Link - www. /watch?v=mPSK66lQ3Ms&feature=related (no spaces) (I do not own the video and did not make it) **

**-JJ**


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